brakecrashburn

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me.
PSALM 23:4

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me.
PSALM 23:4

The LORD is my shepherd; I have all that I need. PSALM 23:1

NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPERRRRRRRR. (the Lord is my hero, my strength in this time of need, my everything.)

oh Father, i need the strength, the willpower, the determination. with tests looming(next week omg) idk why i’m still playing around. it’s already bad enough that i didn’t take poa but i don’t even seem to be trying to catch up with the class.(but self-effort will take me no where. LORD SHOW ME YOUR WAY!!!!!!!!!!) urghhhh :/

cuz all You are is all i want;
always.

it’s been about four months since i last felt this way. i don’t understand how i let my pride blur my vision, i don’t understand how i actually thought i was living it all for You when i clearly let You down in the biggest way possible. but i’m thankful, Father, that each time my ego is expanding at an exponential rate, You break me, You remind me of how You are the ONLY way. and today, though i am disappointed (it’s funny how i thought that my plans were God’s plans), i know that You work for the good of all Your children. you know it’s funny how each time something like this happens, i know FOR SURE that my God is a God of wonders, that He is the only God and that He truly is a real God, a Father that will never disappoint; the only ever constant figure in my life.

i know that i will always be good enough in my Daddy’s eyes. i know that He will always hold my hand as we walk (no matter how big a kid i may be). i know that He keeps all my tears in a bottle. i know that He hurts each time i hurt. i know that no matter what stupid things i may do, that He’d always ALWAYS ALWAYS be proud of me. i know He’ll always be there to cheer me on in whatever i choose to pursue. i know that He’s right next to me now as this tear drop reaches the ground. i know that He’s always there when i need a hug. i know that He’s always there when i need reassurance. i know that He’ll be there for me each step of the way because this is getting tough. (i no longer want to fake a smile and pretend that everything’s alright when it’s clearly not. my Father has sent me out into the battlefield, seemingly alone, but armed with the most powerful of weapons– GRACE, God’s most merciful, beautiful, amazing grace)

it’s quite funny how although what happened 4 months ago clearly warranted many, many bawling sessions… it never really did hit me that hard. and this time, though it clearly pales in comparison in terms of reasons worth feeling sad, i actually feel that i’ve learned much more from it. well God is unpredictable, i can assure you of that. but i am thankful. oh, i feel so loved.

Isaiah 40:31
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

i am more than grateful to know that my father is there for me always and always, He will provide. nothing, and i mean nothing is impossible for my God on high. after much prompting and spiritual nudging, i was finally able to confront something that has been bothering me for the past 3 years or so. i knew that God didn’t want me to be subjected to further hurt and He also wants me to focus on Him and not anything else. so, i picked up the phone and said every single thing i had planned to. don’t laugh at me but i’m so inexperience at doing this type of thing that i wrote notes down, in point form. i have to say that it really helped because i was reading from them 90% of the time so i didn’t have to think much. i’m very glad i did it because i feel so free now.

today i also received news resulting from the interview as mentioned here and i’m glad to say that i’ve made it to the third and last round of a series of interviews, only by God’s grace. operation: julia is a poster girl, stage one– complete!

MY GOD, HE MADE A WAY!