brakecrashburn

he may be a drifter, he’s grown old and gray. but what if he’s Jesus and I walk away?

I say I’m the body and drink of the wine. but I pretend not to see him for the twenty-first time.

ok, i just found out that i came in 3rd for the road race last sunday. i was laughing my head off and shouting for my mom when i found out cuz, well, i honestly didn’t prepare for the race. this is just evidence that our self effort counts for absolutely nothing and trusting in God makes all the difference. apparently i won for myself a mentholatum hamper and some eyewear hahaha but i’ll probably give it all to my dad because he came in towards the end of his age group as a result of pulling me the whole way. somehow, i still find this unbelievably funny.

- 19 points

- ‘you will never make it’

- ‘you are useless’

- i don’t have a destiny

- being a victim and not a victor

- ‘you are a failure’

“die to the mindset that you are a victim–the truth will set you free but lies will keep you in bondage”

THE TRUTH:

I HAVE A DESTINY: A PURPOSE, A PROMISE.

it’s 1.28am on a saturday morning and i’m scheduled to wake up in approximately 5 hours or so to coach my team.

my mom handed me a book this afternoon to read because she said she didn’t have time to yet. it was a book on the memoirs of a dear family friend who passed away in 06, due to cancer,put together lovingly by his wife. i had always known uncle and aunty as God fearing individuals but only tonight did i find out that they were only saved in 04. the book was an amazing testiment to the grace and unending love of our Lord with heartfelt letters, poetry, prose written by uncle himself, and his children mainly. i read the book from cover to cover in one sitting (meaning i read it all tonight) because i felt like it was God’s way of telling me how he’d always been there for me as many of the things mentioned in the book i had gone through last year. i feel so amazingly refreshed now and after reading the book (About 15 mins ago) i got on my knees because my ipod started playing this song, which i really needed to hear:

And You saw me
When You took a crown of thorns
And Your blood washed over me
And You loved me
Through the nails that You bore
And Your blood washes over me

tonight, i felt the hand of God and His love has thoroughly enveloped me. i am utterly gobsmacked that it didn’t even take anything that big to happen for me to feel His grace and divine mercy. This is the God i worship, this is the God i live for, this is the God i would give my life for, this is the God who is my father and friend. it was by no accident that we are here today and it was also by no accident that i am where i am today because our Lord is faultless, He makes no mistake.

[Psalm 23:2-3/God guides me in right living with Him and gives me peace

Psalm 25:5/ God leads me in His way

Psalm 25:9/ God teaches me humility

Psalm 32:8/ God instructs me and teaches me

Psalm  139:24/ God leads me to eternity

John 10:3-4/ God goes ahead of me/ God guides me/ God knows me by name]

[Psalm 23:2-3/God guides me in right living with Him and gives me peace

Psalm 25:5/ God leads me in His way

Psalm 25:9/ God teaches me humility

Psalm 32:8/ God instructs me and teaches me

Psalm  139:24/ God leads me to eternity

John 10:3-4/ God goes ahead of me/ God guides me/ God knows me by name]

feeling like sucha let down, sucha disgrace, sucha hypocrite. i’m making unnecessary comments and living like tomorrow will come (wasting this time i’ve been blessed with). it seems that my pride has consumed me and i’m really needing You and You alone. now i’m heavily broken and needing You. oh how human could one get.

i’ve been waking up in the middle of the night to the aftereffects of stupid, irrational dreams/nightmares. i never knew the issue bothered me that much, but up 5 dreams a night on the same topic is just weird. 2 nights ago i dreamt that i got 11pts and when i woke up to realise that it was but a dream i felt so sadly pathetic. last night i dreamt that i got 50 pts and the funny thing is that when i woke up i felt as horrible as the day before. zzzzzzzzzzzz. i dont understand why i keep comparing myself to others and finding reasons to put myself down when i’m actually quite happy with where i’m going. for the moment i am clueless but i know that God will provide.

“Times of stress and trial tend to drive us into the arms of God, but people have a tendency to fall away from God during times or prosperity and celebration. Job demonstrated a keen insight into human psychology and spirituality. He understood that the pressure to deny and forsake God is at its worst when things are going well”
taken from Let God Be God by Ray C. Stedman

i was just thinking about how retarded we humans can get. the fact that we actually forget about God after He has clearly performed a miracle/so immensely blessed us is just…funny. and the fact that we actually need to ask Him to break us to get us back on track is even funnier. gonna have to pray so i can ‘demonstrate keen insight into human psychology and spirituality’.

(currently praying for renewed purpose because things just aren’t the same anymore and i’m hoping that i will find meaning in this long long break which i am obviously not making full use off.)