brakecrashburn

‘Congratulations! You have been accepted into Accountancy at __ Polytechnic. The enrolment details will be sent to you by the respective polytechnic.‘

and

on the 12th of january, i was whining about not having anywhere to go because i got a score almost unheard of in my school…today i am rejoicing because i got into 2 of the courses i wanted to get into (got my 1st choice thank god) not by my own merit but by the grace of God. now just pray that i’ll make the right choice because i tend to make impulsive decisions. (this is an utter miracle because if i did end up scoring the no. points i aimed for and put down the schools i thought i would have made it into, i would have ended up in some random school and and…all glory be to God.) but on a whole this years jae was a total mess, everyone is going everywhere they weren’t supposed to. omg ib=4pts, nj=3pts?!?!?!?! there are 10/11 pointers being posted to pj. but my god is almighty and i am in awe. call me a fool but i feel especially wealthy today.

each year, people come together to celebrate a new year, a new beginning. and each year i am drawn in an almost brainwashed into believing that indeed things would miraculously change (hopefully for the better) after those few days of celebration. but this time round, it’s different. i know that i repeatedly mentioned(last year) how i’d ‘run til i finish the race’ thinking that the race was to be over on nov 12th. oh boy was i wrong. and now, thinking that this new year would bring change to my supposed ‘bad fortune’ would be nothing but naive. what i have found out though, in the course of this past month is that i still appear to be in the midst of running this race and no amount of  good fortune or whatever else is gonna change the outcome of it. ok, this is starting to sound v pathetic but i assure you that i’m thoroughly enjoying the ride. (cuz i know that my prize at the end of this race on earth is priceless. ie my salvation)

each year, people come together to celebrate a new year, a new beginning. and each year i am drawn in an almost brainwashed into believing that indeed things would miraculously change (hopefully for the better) after those few days of celebration. but this time round, it’s different. i know that i repeatedly mentioned(last year) how i’d ‘run til i finish the race’ thinking that the race was to be over on nov 12th. oh boy was i wrong. and now, thinking that this new year would bring change to my supposed ‘bad fortune’ would be nothing but naive. what i have found out though, in the course of this past month is that i still appear to be in the midst of running this race and no amount of  good fortune or whatever else is gonna change the outcome of it. ok, this is starting to sound v pathetic but i assure you that i’m thoroughly enjoying the ride. (cuz i know that my prize at the end of this race on earth is priceless. ie my salvation)

!!!!!!!!!!!!SO EXTREMELY HAPPY TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!even though i was only shortlisted for an interview for a diploma course (accountancy worhss pro anot??!?!~~~) and not like a prestigious humans scholarship in some other school, i am brimming with immense joy&satisfaction. like somehow i know that He’s heard each and every single one of my prayers and has been working all this while…and this is the first concrete sign. i feel so special, like the lecturers saw something in my application that was so outstanding hehehehe.

today was quite funny cuz i recieved that call from the school while working and i started jumping around and squealing at the back.(i then scooped a heap of eyescream to treat myself, even cris said i deserved it) thank God joanie and huieems were there to share my joy hahaha if not i’d probably would’ve just seemed like a complete and utter nutcase.

MY GOD IS SO SO SO ZOZOZOZOZOZOZO AWESOME. (i know, i know, i know He has a plan for me and i’m so frickin excited)

to remember: GOD’S PROMISES ARE SO TRUE & HIS LIGHT WILL SHINE WHEN ALL ELSE FADES. (…how could i even have forgotten this in the first place)

several times in the past few days, i’ve stopped to think about what i’ve accomplished with my life thus far and each time i struggled to even come up with even a substantial answer, something that actually made an impact. something that actually made sense. it seems that over the past 10 years, it’d been so deeply ingrained in my brain that my only goal was to bring down this goliath of an examination, aka the olvls. so much so that everything seemed to revolve around and build up to this mammoth event. everything seemed to pale in importance to the olvls.

i distinctly remember how i hungered to be called up on stage for ’special commendation’ ever since i heard of it’s existance and how badly it hurt when they finally flashed all 18 names and none, not one of which was mine. it seemed at that point, that i had failed as a person. i started to beat myself up because i knew i had done my best and it seemed like my best was just, just so pathetic. i still feel like such a let down because i probably brought down the schools msg and just about everything else. announcing my score would just about be the worst press the school could ask for. this is why i flash a sarcastic smile when people tell me that my score wasn’t that bad and in fact i did quite ok.

i remember beating myself up so badly at home when i knew i wasnt juggling school and everything else too well. i remember feeling like the living dead as a result of training everyday and still having to drag myself to school&studycamp each day because i was so determined to get that single-digit. but i also remember the promise i made myself when i took on the responsibility of leading my team way into the year while everyone was studying like crazy. and i have no regrets. each seemingly unfortunate encounter has somehow ended up moulding and shaping me into a stronger, more independant person. so while i didn’t walk out of those school gates with a perfect report card, i can safely say that i’ve become a really driven individual who will stop at nothing to fulfill her dreams. these results will not determine how successful i will be in life and i’ve just got to keep telling myself that.

so keep me safe within your mighty hands, father. for this journey is far from over and i’m just waiting to see what you have in store for me behind that next bend.

i’m in quite a happy place right now. each day i’m discovering new things i’ll be able to do and things i’ll be free from and they’ve been helping me keep a positive outlook on what is to come. i can now paint my nails any time i want, tattoo myself silly, dye my hair (!!!omg)… and the list goes on and on.
it is also comforting to know that i’ve, in actual fact, not been forced to take the route i chose, its just that i’m a bit spoiled and mildly elitist(who isn’t man). but thank God for that because i do see myself doing things where i believe He has chosen to send me and oh, am i excited.

prayer requests: successful jpsae application/parent’s safety (omg can you believe i’m applying through the arts too hahahahaha)

…OMG I CANT BELIEVE I’M TURNING 20 IN 3 YRS. SO OLD SO OLD SO OLD OMG. man, do i have to start acting my age.

ok so i got 17 points (13 for L1R4) hehehe but the fact that i’m so full of joy and laughing like no ones business now is just….i dont know but my lord is almighty, wonderful, so ever-present. today i go into battle again, because i got like…1million points more than my brother hahahaha. but somehow, i’m not scared and this experience has shown me just how much we have to trust in the lord and not rely on how much we studied etc. i also know, somehow, that the road that He has planned out for me is going to be paved with so many amazing opportunities and blessings. i am so ready, bring it on!

edit/ 12.33am
though my heart is somehow aching, i have this blessed assurance that God had a reason for giving me that exact score perhaps knowing too well that if i’d done any better, i would’ve strayed off the path that he’d layed out and so i’m gonna take this as the answer to my prayers for clear direction. because now, although many doors that i saw as opportunities have been slammed shut and sealed, i will walk into my new school knowing that i’d made the right decision and his will would be done. (not sure why i’m feeling so bummed now though but am praying for strength to deal with this cuz i want live my life for you. God indeed has interesting ways of working through people, that’s for sure)

today i give thanks for my miracle 2 and 3 for e&amath. (got 9s for both for the past 2 yrs)

1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

i’ve this funny feeling that i’m supposed to be freaking out now or at the least be a bit anxious…but i’m not. and i dont know if thats good cuz it seems like i’m taking it too lightly/treating it like a very trivial matter. when i know it’s not. people are already starting to send well wishes and stuff and i’m still living like it’s months away. everyone’s changing their fb/msn pms to ‘i can wait til monday’/'3days til we die’/'i am finding the right block of flats to commit suicide’ and i’m still obsessing over sam sparro and hello kitty. i dont know, maybe its just the way i’m wired. but i guess it doesnt hurt to enjoy the holidays almost carefree.
one more thing that is quite odd is that i’m actually feeling excited, for what reason? i’m not sure. its also not like i know i’m going to do well, i’m actually going to be happy even if i get >20 so…i really dont understand how i could be this excited. (oh! maybe i’m excited to see what God has in store for me, maybe)

anyway, do pray for me. results are out on monday.

i’m awake past midnight on jan 1st!!?!?!!? LIBERATION, BABYYYYYY!!!!!!!! it’s so surreal and i’m feeling like sucha bad girl (:< like those people who dont sleep a wink at night then sleep the whole day in school. i’m finally going rogue baby, seriously rogue.