brakecrashburn

this year, i saw the tip of the iceberg being exposed.(wrt life’s never-ending list of frustrations) i’d have to admit that many times i thought of giving up, letting go of what i had set my mind to do four years ago. but it’s these very instances that got me to realise the might of God. each time my hand grew weary and was at the brink of letting go of the rope that was my self-effort(tys), God whispered in my ear that it was ok to let go and let Him because after all, what was the sum of my efforts worth in comparison to what He could do? time and again this happened, but never did i sense even the slightest hint of Him giving up on me.

2 weeks to the exams and i was far from ready. there was one afternoon, i remember quite vividly:
i had majorly flunked a practice amath paper the day before and i so naturally, i went into panic mode and attempted to do another paper. question after question was left blank/half-blank and i was on the verge of tearing the paper up, honestly. i was wondering how my earnest attempts at the hundreds of practice questions could amount to this. soon the band girls started blasting their trumpets/flutes/trombones in the canteen where i was and everything was just totally out of sync. i was so frustrated with everything and the stress was just mounding. (on top of this the team seemed to be so far from ready for open house and i know i shouldnt have been worrying about that but really how could i not care) i gave up at around 5pm or so, packed my bag and marched home. that night i asked God why and His reply was simple, “take my hand”. i envisioned it to be outstretched and then told myself to take that step and lift up my childish woes to our God most high. that very second His grace beyond reason (that paid for our freedom) fell upon me and i felt an instant gush of happiness…that didn’t make any sense.

so i guess that if there’s one thing i’ve learned this year, it’s that no matter how far of i’ve strayed trying to pursue goals selfishly, if i’m willing to let Him take me under His wing, there He’d be, always.

this year, i saw the tip of the iceberg being exposed.(wrt life’s never-ending list of frustrations) i’d have to admit that many times i thought of giving up, letting go of what i had set my mind to do four years ago. but it’s these very instances that got me to realise the might of God. each time my hand grew weary and was at the brink of letting go of the rope that was my self-effort(tys), God whispered in my ear that it was ok to let go and let Him because after all, what was the sum of my efforts worth in comparison to what He could do? time and again this happened, but never did i sense even the slightest hint of Him giving up on me.

2 weeks to the exams and i was far from ready. there was one afternoon, i remember quite vividly:
i had majorly flunked a practice amath paper the day before and i so naturally, i went into panic mode and attempted to do another paper. question after question was left blank/half-blank and i was on the verge of tearing the paper up, honestly. i was wondering how my earnest attempts at the hundreds of practice questions could amount to this. soon the band girls started blasting their trumpets/flutes/trombones in the canteen where i was and everything was just totally out of sync. i was so frustrated with everything and the stress was just mounding. (on top of this the team seemed to be so far from ready for open house and i know i shouldnt have been worrying about that but really how could i not care) i gave up at around 5pm or so, packed my bag and marched home. that night i asked God why and His reply was simple, “take my hand”. i envisioned it to be outstretched and then told myself to take that step and lift up my childish woes to our God most high. that very second His grace beyond reason (that paid for our freedom) fell upon me and i felt an instant gush of happiness…that didn’t make any sense.

so i guess that if there’s one thing i’ve learned this year, it’s that no matter how far of i’ve strayed trying to pursue goals selfishly, if i’m willing to let Him take me under His wing, there He’d be, always.

when we forsake the lives of others,
we actually forsake our own

when we forsake the lives of others,
we actually forsake our own

i know i shouldn’t be complaining because getting this job was a blessing in itself but… i’m really not liking working life. i mean the idea of slaving over stuff to earn a few bucks totally sucks, especially if you dont like the stuff you’re slaving over. damn it i’m sore all over and covered in blisters from work and dance. but anyhow, i’m leaving tomorrow for a short trip over the weekend then its back to work for a day. do come visit and relieve me of my immense pain and sorrow please. i know, i’m such a brat. (the result of 10 years in a school where moms are socialites and have high tea together. hahahahahahaha)

“here’s your change, thank you! have a nice day!!”

so anyway i still find the interview from monday’s edition of the straits times  particularly amusing. i was discussing it with some others and it was like, “actually the school’s not that bad…wait, no, it is” we realised that it’s not only the mothers who go for high tea but from a very young age we’ve been taught that the only means of catching up with old pals is by means of high tea. also, its not only high tea, i remember during an enrichment class last year, we were taught to cat walk, to use loreal karastase and preferably not elseve, to go for regular facials, waxing and manicures. (because apparantly its compulsory for us girls) so yeah i’d have to agree that “not being rich would just make it worse”. hahaha school politics. its quite disgusting that from primary school, people were literally outcasted because their parents didn’t drive a beemer, merc or a jaguar, we didn’t believe that 85% of singaporeans lived in flats(i still dont actually) and started our craving for designer goods way too early. though saying that our mothers are socialites would have to be an overstatement because our coming-of-age parties were not documented in a 4-page spread in the singapore tatler. (but we have such great expectations to live up to. our futures most of the time forced on us and flunking major examinations would be a huge no-no) still, i thank God for where i am because i’ve seen the side of humanity that is most of the time self-centered and i’m resolute to make a change.

I will say of the Lord He is my refuge
I will say of the Lord He is my strength
I will say of the Lord He is my shelter and hiding place
I will come to the source of all creation
I will drink from the well that never dries
I will draw from the one who won’t grow tired;
The Lord of all