brakecrashburn

So I lift my eyes to you, Lord
In Your strength will I break through, Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
And I will be complete in You.

i need you, Lord. In my human weakness, i’ve said somethings that i want to take back but can’t. Help me to be more like You in both my words and actions. Help me to be less of a hypocrite and to grow more and more in Your likeness.

Lord, today i pray for my relatives in bkk. may they lie safe in your hands. It is quite disgusting that i’m sitting here worrying about manicures and new clothes when a million jobs will be lost in thailand alone and this world is crumbling down. People need you, Lord. Help me be bold and strong for you and help me to spread your word today and everyday without hesitation. I know too well that You’re coming back for us soon and yet i still spend hours upon hours doing rubbish selfishly… even though i remind myself that loved ones will be spending eternity in the fires of hell if i do not take action soon.

today i am reminded of Your unprecedented grace and why i’ve fallen in love with you over and again.
Your love is beautiful; Your love is pure

Who am I? That you would love me so gently?
Who am I? That you would recognize my name?
Who am I? that you would speak to me so softly?

Who am I? That you would love me so gently?
Who am I? That you would recognize my name?
Who am I? that you would speak to me so softly?

i’m praying that this holiday will be a fruitful one. however, something tells me that i’m going to have to get off my butt for that to actually be a reality. other than going to the beach/prom/a number of coffee joint dates and a sleepover here and there, my fingers have started to itch and while i had been planning to do a lot more thinking/writing these few months, those plans have instead been overwritten by hours on fb/neopets and icy tower. so i told myself no more procrastination and tomorrow i’m finally doing something productive

til the next emotional breakdown/spiritual breakthrough,

J.

today(yesterday rather) was weird for me because i planned for it to be a day of fun and just carefree fun but turns out, God had other plans. my sister got her psle results and turns out she does really well (like wayy wayy better than how i faired) and i’m really happy for her and stuff but… that means that i am now the dullest child of the lot. and to make things better, when i got back home my parent already started comparing.

and what really felt like shards of glass penetrating deep within my heart was when my dad said “she did sooooooo much better than you”, with emphasis on the ’so’. it seemed as though he was implying that indeed, i am stupid-.- sigh. before my emotions overwhelmed me, i grabbed my dog and went down for a stroll. i asked god why this was happening and what i did to deserve any of this. it then really felt like a punishment and nothing else. then, i heard this faint voice, “daughter, it seems that still dont know what i can do“. because i thought i was talking to myself in my head in third person and in a man’s voice, i chose to ask for confirmation. so i asked (in my head),” father, if that’s really you, give me a sign”. and because i happened to be facing the tennis courts, i asked that if the server hit the ball to the man and he returned, then the woman then the man and then the woman again, that it was definitely God’s voice i was hearing. who knows, thats what really happened and after a few laughs and i sigh of relief, i returned home ready to take on whatever the coming days/weeks/months are going to throw at me. (btw i so do not think it was coincidence because the man/the woman were not able to return many of the previous serves and the fact that 4 continous returns were carried out just blows my mind away)

He is stronger, He is stronger, sin is broken, He has saved me.

Mercy said no
I’m not gonna let you go
I’m not gonna let you slip away
You don’t have to be afraid

Mercy said no
sin will never ever take control
Life and death stood face to face
Darkness tried to steal my heart away
Thank You Jesus, Mercy said no

i love this song because every time i hear it, i am humbled. it’s like God himself saying, “I’m not gonna let you go; I’m not gonna let you slip away”. and how frickin awesome is that?! it’s so comforting to know that i have a God that is not only living but cares for me and loves me as he would his own daughter. seriously, what more could i ask for?

so, yesterday was a big day for me: i graduated secondary school.
and so i’m right now partially partying rogue style and partially feeling mega nostalgic. well, this was more than expected since 1/8 of my life’s memories will forever lie beneath those jade&gold school gates. and speaking of 1/8, i still find it really surreal that i’m actually sitting here typing out a weblog of me graduating from this secondary school. partially because it seems like yesterday that i was in primary one courage and also because i had been trying so so desperately over the past 3 years to get myself out of the school… obviously to no avail. anyway, i really thank God for being with me the entire time and not letting go because without Him i would not have persevered and finished running this race for His glory. without him, i would’ve been a loser and given up and gone to the other school last year.

i’m now also wondering what’ll happen after all this excitement dies down, after prom and stuff. when will reality set in and when will i finally realise that my life has just begun. (people are telling me scary stories and no i do not want to grow up just yet thank you very much)

but whatev,
i like totally graduated omg!!

i feel quite lost. this is sooo surreal. the sleepless nights, never ending headaches and not to forget the immense stress has finally left the building. i.e. i am now free to live spontaneously, i just have 2 more days in that place before… !!!!! (tmr they are making us go back to practice shaking hands for friday like omg wth right -___________-) anyway,,…..”’;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::::::”"”"”"”"”"”"”">.><>>>>>>>>>.i felt like pressing down on the keyboard. vvvvvv lazy to lift my fingers up now that i am allowed to rot.

She walks full of life again and

her face, suddenly lit up, shines.

Chains slowly but surely dissipate, lock and key follow suit.

Weight of world/chemistry text on shoulders finally lifted off…

Yes!

Oh no, graduation on 14th. 10 years;

so stealthily fly past my unappreciative eyes

[jaws drop]

I am sixteen, what the hell!?! And holy macaroni, is this really the end of my

Teenhood; definition: angst, acne, oh crap

But I enjoy the times when I pretend I am not what they want me to be.

Suddenly, I realise that things will never be the same

Again.

(thank you for sustaining me through this long, grueling battle father. your grace amazes me each day and your mercies astound me as i am filled with your love day after day. for you are the one and only ever-living God. here yesterday today and forever. i will live to shout your praises for all my days)

thank you, Lord, for showing me how to serve. In light of Your holiness and unlimited love, I feel humbled.

When the job seems thankless, I recall how You wrapped a towel around Your waist.

You knelt as a servant and washed the dirty, sweaty feet of Your disciples.

Not only those who loved You, but the ones who would deny and betray You. Did You see beyond the disease, the dirt and grime, the sin and tragedy to a miraculous, triumphant plan lying ahead? Did your love really make it possible to forgive our faults in spite of knowing full well You were about to give Your life for us? I can’t comprehend at all.

“Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one anothers feet.”

point to ponder 07112008:

HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE UNSEEN POEM THAT WAS SET FOR MY ‘O’ LEVEL PAPER WOULD BE THE EXACT SAME ONE THAT MY TEACHER WENT THROUGH TWICE AND HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT I WAS LISTENING BOTH TIMES?!?!?!?!?!?!?

HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT SOMETHING WOULD MAKE ME TURN BACK AND WALK TOWARDS SOMEONE SAYING, “REVISE COMEDY FOR PAPER 2″ AND SOMEHOW THE WHOLE OF PAPER 2 WAS ON THE THEME OF COMEDY.

I SERIOUSLY DON’T UNDERSTAND (!!!!)
WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS FAVOUR?

ONLY BY THE GRACE OF MY ALMIGHTY GOD;
ONLY BY HIS UNMERITED FAVOUR

“remember when we still had like 20 days til the Os and i said that once ss is over we can sort of relax”

“omg, yes! SS IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!”

and while it might take a while for the euphoria to set in, i’m soo looking forward to burning those darn colour coded notes of mine (what monster have i bcome?!?!)

sidenote:
omg the CPE is hilarious. he has like zero diction and today he sort of scolded us…
“mother tongues”
“takes your own long and sweet times”
“how many tuhms muz i teaw yew”
i shall not go on, i feel sort of bad… but i cant take it, i must share this with the world!