Archive for March 2008
you don't understand
to you:
it seems too easy when you tell me to tell her to back off cause i’m not performing up to your standards.
and reassure me with the words “she has a heart of gold”
you dont understand. i have already let her down too much to think of backing out of this. i was supposed to over perform, to surpass all expectations. this was supposed to be my turn to shine. and yet you tell me to take a step back. i’m sorry but i cant, i cant bear to. getting through this year isn’t going to be so easy afterall.
“during history, you look like you can’t be bothered. i’m sorry, you’ll just have to tell mrsb to back off a bit. otherwise, i’ll do it”
“but i cant, i’m supposed to be the vice captain and there are only 3 active sec4s and 2 active sec3s. i cant let her down, i cant let the team down anymore”
i know its at the expense of my academics but its all worth it. this team(and God) has made me what i am. this team instilled in me confidence and immense mental strength and basically moulded me.
if only you knew. knew that i do care, its just that i’m 15 and sometimes you too need to step back because i do get tired. but i promise i’ll try even harder, its not that i’ve given up totally on your subjects. just give me till tuesday when this overwhelming stress and crushing fatigue will hopefully subside. and my now over-powering annoyance for you(i’msorry) will miraculously disappear.
yours sincerely
you don’t understand
to you:
it seems too easy when you tell me to tell her to back off cause i’m not performing up to your standards.
and reassure me with the words “she has a heart of gold”
you dont understand. i have already let her down too much to think of backing out of this. i was supposed to over perform, to surpass all expectations. this was supposed to be my turn to shine. and yet you tell me to take a step back. i’m sorry but i cant, i cant bear to. getting through this year isn’t going to be so easy afterall.
“during history, you look like you can’t be bothered. i’m sorry, you’ll just have to tell mrsb to back off a bit. otherwise, i’ll do it”
“but i cant, i’m supposed to be the vice captain and there are only 3 active sec4s and 2 active sec3s. i cant let her down, i cant let the team down anymore”
i know its at the expense of my academics but its all worth it. this team(and God) has made me what i am. this team instilled in me confidence and immense mental strength and basically moulded me.
if only you knew. knew that i do care, its just that i’m 15 and sometimes you too need to step back because i do get tired. but i promise i’ll try even harder, its not that i’ve given up totally on your subjects. just give me till tuesday when this overwhelming stress and crushing fatigue will hopefully subside. and my now over-powering annoyance for you(i’msorry) will miraculously disappear.
yours sincerely
its that simple
it pains me that years mean nothing.
that everything we shared now means nothing.
nothing.nothing.nothing.
i’d like to learn how you moved on so quickly. cause it seems like you’re having a ball.
and you just left me stranded, simply helpless.
drowning in this ocean of memories you’ve created and then forgotten.
it seems like you’ve forgotten, forgotten everything everything everything.
like theres a start-over button in your seemingly complex mind. (which i cant seem to understand, somehow)
i will stand upon my rock, my Lord, my Saviour, my Jesus.
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial,
because when he has stood the test,
he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
James 1:12
power to the crown of life.
Jesus, Jesus, hold me tight, i seem to be falling.
i feel the urge to write
i have this desire to write but my mind/soul/conscience wont let me post on xanga anymore (at least for a few days). so its back to wordpress for a while.
one:
i think we need to talk. things have changed so much, its like i dont know you anymore. i was going through old photos on my computer and i realized how much i miss the old you. how much i miss your company. we need to talk. even if it will be our last conversation for a while.
two:
i feel so disappointed that i fell asleep this afternoon… for 3 hours. i am infuriated, appalled at my inability to even stay awake through the afternoon. i could have done so much this afternoon. but i ended up doing only 2 amath worksheets. and i did them out of pure guilt cause i know how much we’ve let you down. if i want this so bad, why aren’t i working for it. still, i am not a failure and will never be one. at least i believe so. and Jesus does too.
three:
being labeled the “stupid” ones for a while really pays off:
1.its always a convenient excuse when things go wrong
2.people are awestruck when you beat them at tests (even when you honestly didn’t try hard)
3.when you attempt to study, people are thrown off their seats
4.there will never be a reason for you to be so ashamed of your marks. no matter how low/non existent
but really, i shouldn’t be dwelling on the past and whatever.
i’m so happy i did horrendously for the psle, really.
Today, He will do a new thing. and i will be again amazed.
o levels are so fly
and our ultimate goal is to instill in ourselves the fact that we live our lives to honour God
and not to honour men.
thank God for short-long mondays which make the week so much more bearable.
and for midweek funtimes with huayu cool!
and for the seemingly “last” week of school before a day of play and then the start of never-ending trigo and cumulative frequency tables.
thank God for physics and everything to do with it.
oh how i love the O levels.
it is right to give Him thanks and praise
