i may have fallen down but still i am singing
And I’m Singing to the God who brings redemption to the nations
Kings and oceans bow to Him in praise
And I’m Singing to the God who wrote the book on our salvation
To the One who covers me in grace
I’m Singing
God is love
“now you know why all your friends did so well for the O levels and you did so badly. now you know why all the wrong questions came out for you. now you now why you were sick when all your friends went to compete. God is trying to teach you a lesson.”
it’s very sad that somehow, after 50 years of going to church and more than 10 years of studying the bible, the God they know seems to seek retribution. i don’t know why i see my O level score as a blessing and yet they see it as a curse, i see my being sick as an opportunity to spend time with God and they see it as punishment. it’s very weird. she said that i show one side of myself to my friends and another to my family. all i was trying to tell her was that she didnt have to pretend to be who she is not just because her bible study ‘friends’ were around. it’s quite funny actually. at home she’s always screaming her head off and telling me off. then when the phone rings, she’s all smiles, talking with this fake accent and telling her friends how God is so good and how He works in His own time etc. i know my parents think i’m a hopeless child who has no future, they sometimes tell me things as if to comfort me ‘because i’m not in jc’. but my Father in heaven tells me that my future is decided and it is as bright as the brightest morning star. sometimes i ‘answer back’ and tell them of the God i know but they seem to think that i’m deceiving myself. obviously their minds are set on the idea that God is out to get me for whatever wrong i’d done to them or whatever. somehow i don’t recognize this ‘god’ because the God i know works only for the good of those who love Him.
doh.
wahaha
i centered my assignment around how Jesus transformed my life and got a respectable C. the thing is, my tutor was expressing how he detested people writing about religion in their assignments and i honestly thought i was going to fail. wahaha God is good, all the time. and besides, Christianity isn’t a religion. It’s a relationship.
what it means to obey
the past week has been a humbling experience. i stayed at home with an mc (today marks the end of it’s 6-day-long reign) and so i had more than enough time to think about life. what i want to do with my life, what i want to do in the lives of others, how i could live my life to glorify my Lord. then yesterday i went back to the doctor’s for a checkup because my cough was not going away. (it’s been with me for more than a month now) at the end of the consultation, i took a chance and told him about the race i had to be at today, how i take part every year and how i was doing a relay this year and stuff. he said no. i was honestly holding back tears. i hate it when i have to miss races and i get very emotional when i actually do. what made it worse was knowing that i’d be letting two others down this time. i wasn’t feeling my best yesterday afternoon. but God made a way and we worked something out, though i still didn’t get to go down. i thought about how at church they tell us that the only answers God gives are “yes” and “amen”. i was wondering why God always forgot to answer me. then i remembered to look to the end of job. i once said that i’d live my life for Jesus and though i need to be repeatedly reminded, i’m glad i made the choice to. i also had to remind myself that when God seems to ignore my request or when he seems to say no, He is protecting me. i could have very well had an asthma attack if i’d gone ahead and rode today, now that i think about it. (yeah my asthma’s back. but that doesn’t mean that it has to have a hold on me. By Jesus’ blood, this sickness has already been cured.)
All my fears swept away in the light of Your embrace
No weeping
No hurt or pain
No suffering
You hold me now, You hold me now
i just came across a twitter site that really made me think. “Man made god. I made god worthwhile. You should be thanking me.” This satan character claims that God is a character we created using our imagination. I am confused. If man made God then who made man and who made satan? The God i know is full of grace and power, He heals the sick, He gives me strength. The God i know is my creator, He is the beginning and the end. Look around, if man made god, it is comparable to saying that man made everything that God created. i don’t see man placing new stars in the sky or even raising mountains from the ground. “Do unto others as they have done to you.” it is easy to hurt others as they have hurt you but it is only by the strength of God that we are able to love and thoroughly forgive others and it is only by grace that is in Christ Jesus that we are able let go of instances that we would otherwise cling on to and be burdened with our entire lives. “You’re beginning to freak even ME out. That’s hard.” The God i know is perfect, He created everything and as far as i know, He’s never been freaked out. He is all-knowing. and so today, i delight in the unfailing love of God who takest away the sins of the world, who has granted all of us an unexplainable peace that could only be found in Him. i delight in the fact that the only One for me is Jesus and that in persecution does not trouble me. ” The bible is a fictional book of fables meant to control the masses through fear of persecution.” In God, there is no such thing as fear. In God i am strong, indestructible.
Now forever to be loved
To walk with You for all my days
There’s no greater love than this
You are the Author and the Way
God speaks
i don’t know what to think. if i’d achieved the set of results i did for this common test last year, i’d probably on top of the world right now. i don’t know why i’m expecting so much from myself now, i’m actually beating myself up over not getting an A+ (i missed by 0.67% ). i didn’t even take this subject for the Os and i think i’m actually doing way better than people who did but……. why . ok, so to make matters worse, today i woke up at 8.10…when i was supposed to be in school at 8 to deliver my final project for my IS module. So i cabbed to school and stuff feeling quite awful already and just so you know, my presentation didn’t go well… in fact it went horribly and grrr the normal me would still be smiling and skipping about because i would’ve forgotten about the whole incident already but nooooo. i feel quite gross now because i keep picturing my gpa and how this is gonna ‘dramatically’ affect it.
enough about that, i just stopped typing to ask God why i’m feeling this way, why this is happening and He just reminded me “when things don’t turn out the way you want them to, my child. know that i’m still there and that you’re living out the magnificent plan i had for you even before you knew you existed.” then being my demanding self i asked God to tell me something new, something i’d never heard. He said “no, listen to me, I am here. there’s no need for you to feel this way.”
sometimes i feel so stupid when God has to remind me time and again to let Him do the work. it’s happened countless times and i honestly don’t know when i’m gonna finally learn to truly let God be God because ultimately, He is God and I am not.
so bad at this
just realised that my mom kept all my pe shirts/skirts/shorts. and i just saw them when i opened up the cupboard to get out a plastic folder. for some strange reason, i felt like crying. this morning, while dragging my feet to the busstop, i happened to walk pass a pe lesson out on the field and i remembered how we used to have so much fun screaming and not adhering to the actual rules of the game. then we’d whip out a camera and take countless pictures. sweaty and late, we’d then proceed to our next lesson pretending to dread it when we knew we’d always be there for each other and no matter what lesson it was, it’d be fun. now it’s different; not one familiar face, no pe lessons, no inside jokes, …the list could go on but i’m just making myself dread tomorrow more. Oh God, please help me let go. (tomorrow is gonna be a long day- 9am-8pm.) i feel so out of place… like i don’t belong and i want so badly to leave this place. (“Oh You bring hope to the hopeless and light to those in the darkness”)
